Scene iv: Heartbreak cafe

It is Saturday night and the cafe is abuzz. Midterms are approaching and many STUDENTS are seen sitting around the cafe, books open and lattes at the ready.

MUSICIAN, a woman in her early 40's, sits in the corner. She has been invited to play in the cafe as background music for the night, and she strums a guitar and sings while others try to talk over her, with difficulty.

A STUDENT approaches the register, and complains that the music is a little loud. Cue SUPERVISOR, who tentatively approaches MUSICIAN.

SUPERVISOR
Hi, ma'am, thank you so much for playing today, it's so nice. It's just, we have a few students trying to study, so could you turn the volume on your mic down a little?

MUSICIAN

(stares up blankly at SUPERVISOR)

Oh...

(Beat.)

(MUSICIAN begins to cry.)

SUPERVISOR
Oh no. No, no, no.

MUSICIAN

(sobbing)

No one cares about me!

SUPERVISOR
That's not true! It's very nice, but tests are coming up. They like it, but they have to study. Is that ok?

MUSICIAN
Ok.

SUPERVISOR
You ok?

MUSICIAN

(attempting to compose herself)

Yeah, ok.

SUPERVISOR
I'm sorry I upset you. You know what? You just stay here and play however loud you want.

(MUSICIAN nods, sniffling)

SUPERVISOR (cont'd)
Do you want a drink?

MUSICIAN
No, actually, I think I'm just going to go.

SUPERVISOR
Well, ok. If you're sure.

(MUSICIAN begins to pack up and picks up her tip jar, which has a dollar in it.)

MUSICIAN
At least I got a dollar out of it.

SUPERVISOR
Yeah, that's good!

MUSICIAN
Oh wait.

SUPERVISOR
What?

MUSICIAN
I forgot.
I put that in there myself.

(Beat.)

(MUSICIAN resumes sobbing. SUPERVISOR flees.)

end scene.

Scene iii: The elusive cappuccino

Enter CUSTOMER, a man in his 40's dressed in upper middle class clothes and with no warning signs of insanity about his appearance. He approaches the register.

BARISTA
Hi, can I help you?

CUSTOMER
Ah, yes, can I get a small cappuccino, no foam.

BARISTA
No.

CUSTOMER
I'm sorry?

BARISTA
Um, I can't make a cappuccino with no foam.

CUSTOMER
Are you serious? It really can't be that difficult. I just want a cappuccino, hold the foam. How hard can that be?

BARISTA
Sir, you do know what a cappuccino is, right?

CUSTOMER
Of course I know what a cappuccino is! Where is your manager? How dare you be so rude to me!

BARISTA
She's right here.

(gestures to SUPERVISOR standing at the bar)

CUSTOMER

(to SUPERVISOR)

Can YOU make me a cappuccino with no foam?

SUPERVISOR
I really can't.

CUSTOMER
This is outrageous!

BARISTA
Sir, a no-foam cappuccino is a double espresso.

CUSTOMER
If you know what it is then why can't you make it!

SUPERVISOR
One double espresso coming right up.

CUSTOMER
Thank you! Was that so hard?

end scene.

Scene ii: In which the customer wins

A CUSTOMER stands at the register, ordering drinks for himself and his wife and chatting with BARISTA.

CUSTOMER
My wife is a lovely woman. She doesn't realize how lovely.

BARISTA
Aw, how sweet.

CUSTOMER
Just like that poor actress, what was her name? The one who stabbed herself.

BARISTA
Wait, what?

CUSTOMER
Yeah, it's all over the internet. Some actress who just got divorced stabbed herself the other day. Really sad. I think her name was Reese something.

BARISTA
Reese Witherspoon?!

CUSTOMER
No, with her knife.

end scene.

Scene i: "Is this mine?"

CUSTOMER--a man in his early seventies wearing a sweater vest--walks into the cafe, clearly confused by the new environment in which he has suddenly found himself. He walks to the bar to order, then is turned away to find the register. Once successfully finding the register he begins to order, then is silenced so that the person standing in front of him may finish his own order. Once successfully waiting for his turn and ordering two lattes, he walks back to the bar.

CUSTOMER

(pointing to a sandwich in a bag on the bar)

Is this mine?

BARISTA

(while steaming the milk for his lattes)

I don't know sir, what did you order?

CUSTOMER
Two lattes and a muffin. I have my muffin here (holds up BAG in hand) and I'm waiting on my lattes.

BARISTA

(Laughs)

Well then logically...

(BARISTA and CUSTOMER meet eyes. It becomes clear that CUSTOMER was not kidding. Awkward beat.)

BARISTA
No. It isn't.

CUSTOMER
Oh.

end scene.