Scene v: A collection

Every day in every cafe across America, these scenes are unfolding. If it only happens once on a shift, it's a lucky day. We're usually much nicer when in the scene ourselves, but if you're the fifth person in an hour who puts us in one of these scenes, be careful: your coffee might come with a shot of sass.


SETTING: Any cafe anywhere that isn't a Starbucks.

CUSTOMER approaches register.

BARISTA
Hi, how are you today?

CUSTOMER
Yeah, I'll have a tall skinny latte.

BARISTA
I'm doing well, thanks. So, you wanted a small skim latte?

CUSTOMER
No, a tall. You know, a large.

BARISTA
Are you sure that's what you mean?

CUSTOMER
Of course I am, I'm not an idiot!

---------

CUSTOMER
Hi, I'd like a tea.

BARISTA
What kind of tea would you like?

CUSTOMER
A hot one.

BARISTA
We have at least ten different kinds of tea to choose from, sir.

CUSTOMER
Just a regular hot tea!

BARISTA
A black tea, then?

CUSTOMER
Yeah sure, whatever.

BARISTA finishes the transaction, makes the tea, hands it off to CUSTOMER. Ten seconds later, CUSTOMER returns to the bar.

BARISTA
Is something wrong?

CUSTOMER
I wanted a green tea.

BARISTA
You asked for a black tea.

CUSTOMER
Well, that's not what I meant!

---------

The cafe is packed. There is a line of customers at the register, and the BARISTA at the bar is hard at work making drinks. A CUSTOMER walks in, looks at the register line, and approaches the bar.

CUSTOMER
Can I get the key to the bathroom?

BARISTA
The key's available at the register.

CUSTOMER
But there's a line.

BARISTA
Yes, those tend to form around registers.

CUSTOMER
Can't you just grab it? You're standing right by the register.

BARISTA
For health and safety reasons, I don't want to touch the bathroom key while I'm making drinks. But the barista at the register can get that for you.

CUSTOMER
(huffs)
Fine, if you're going to be so lazy about it, I'll just go to the register.

there is no (end) to these (scenes).